Bow Ties Are Cool

Anonymous asked:

Doctor? Will Romney be elected president? While I'd be fine with a man eating alien 3x my size, I find myself genuinely terrified of him... *oh god I'm actually trembling*

(rebloggable version here)

Well. Here’s the thing, Anonymous: if you’d be fine with a man-eating alien three times your size… then you’d also happen to be alright with Mitt Romney.

Or, as he’s called in his actual family— not his Earthen one, no, they’re mere decoys— Mitt Cor-Sleftinap Romney-Pas Slitheen.

Surprise! I did a bit of research on him not too long ago, and imagine my astonishment when I found out he was a Raxacoricofallapatorian. I know what you’re thinking— he’s too small to be wearing a human meatsuit, he wouldn’t fit!

Turns out he’s the runt of the litter- so to speak. It’s made him a little bitter and he’s apparently attempting to deal with his aggression through gaining power over a ‘lesser species’. 

On the bright side: if you ever thought he was too something to be considered human, your instincts served you well.

On the minus side, I can’t tell you the outcome of the election because it is in constant flux, especially so close to the time it’s supposed to occur.      

(I also can’t stop him from running in the election. I’ve beseeched the Shadow Proclamation but they insist he’s done nothing wrong; integrating yourself into an alien culture, even so predominantly, isn’t actually considered a crime, even if you are a bit of a sleaze.)